It was shocking at first, I don't know why, but it was. I should have expected that he would be there. I was standing in line waiting for a funnel cake and he walked to the front of the line and disappeared.If "he" ever reads this... Just know that I miss you.
At that point I was in so much shock, I just ignored it. Then I looked back and we caught eyes, just for a brief moment. In that moment, I felt so sad, there was so much sadness in my heart to have seen someone that at one time I had been so close to, but now it has dwindled down to a simple awkward glance and a text that reads, "R u at the state game". What's worse is that even though the name was not attached to the number, I knew who it was and played the game of "who is this". I never received a response.
In that moment, the brief glance, I knew he felt the same as me. I knew he missed me too and that he longed for that friendship we used to have. I knew. I can only imagine that he wishes he had a friend that he didn't have to share with her. This is just my speculation, but I know how she is and that's why the many e-mails and texts went unanswered.
Because of this brief meeting, it reminded me of how much I had longed for him to see me as more than a friend. I pined over him for a year. I was thrilled every time I received an e-mail from him while I was in Spain. It was unfair how much I wanted him. And the entire time, he spent it with her.
I waited 11 months. All for it to end one tearful, December night. I remember the look of pain that crossed his face. I knew it hurt him deeply when I told him that I couldn't be friends with him any longer. It was movie-esque: silent, cold, the single street lamp. It ended with him asking if he could hug me and I said "no".
That sealed our fate.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
a little story from my journal, the names have been removed to protect their identity.